Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Jenna: Cal, are you happy? I mean, when you call yourself a happy man, do you really mean it?
Cal: You ask a serious question, I'll give you a serious answer: Happy enough. I don't expect much. I don't get much, I don't give much. I generally enjoy whatever comes along. That's my answer for you, summed up for your feminine consideration. I'm happy enough.

The part in bold is the thing that seems to not only stick out to me but also frightens me. That is me in my current position in life. I don't expect a whole lot from people any more, I don't have many people around me any more and I also know that I am not putting much out there in the universe. I am doing the minimum to get by, I feel that people are far, far away and then again, I know I should and can be giving so much more.

My view is that I am on the downhill slide of my Corvallis life. This life that I knew would end so I could always look forward to it. I didn't care about making friends here because I was only here to finish school, which I still feel okay about. Now I have to return to my former life of Portland and see if there is A) Anything even left to come back to B) What I can make of myself. I could be thinking about all of these changes in the wrong context but then again, Portland is becoming my light at the end of the tunnel.

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