Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Waitress

Jenna: Cal, are you happy? I mean, when you call yourself a happy man, do you really mean it?
Cal: You ask a serious question, I'll give you a serious answer: Happy enough. I don't expect much. I don't get much, I don't give much. I generally enjoy whatever comes along. That's my answer for you, summed up for your feminine consideration. I'm happy enough.
---http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0473308/quotes

The part in bold is the thing that seems to not only stick out to me but also frightens me. That is me in my current position in life. I don't expect a whole lot from people any more, I don't have many people around me any more and I also know that I am not putting much out there in the universe. I am doing the minimum to get by, I feel that people are far, far away and then again, I know I should and can be giving so much more.

My view is that I am on the downhill slide of my Corvallis life. This life that I knew would end so I could always look forward to it. I didn't care about making friends here because I was only here to finish school, which I still feel okay about. Now I have to return to my former life of Portland and see if there is A) Anything even left to come back to B) What I can make of myself. I could be thinking about all of these changes in the wrong context but then again, Portland is becoming my light at the end of the tunnel.

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