Monday, June 22, 2009


One of the constant struggles that everyone seems to be going through is the weight battle. Some people say "fat" some people say it's "being healthy" so whatever works for everyone is fine by me. Personally, I am just not happy with how I look in general. People that can be bigger and happy are just my heros. Actually, people that can feel comfortable with their bodies in any shapes that they may be in are pretty spectacular and secure people. I consider myself secure in the fact of my talents, personalities and overall skills as a human being. On the counter of that, I know I could look better.
For example, last week I had one class all day, all week. It was a really interesting class with only about 14 of us. I continually felt more secure each day and comfortable but every morning when I was getting dressed, it was the downfall of my day. I hate having to now be narrowed down to a limited amount of cute clothes that I have in my closet and that still fit me. I have gained probably 15 pounds in the last year, pushing me over to my dark side of being a size 16 solidly. Besides the fact of wanting to look better, I want to be in better health overall. I want to be able to run/walk for longer distances and to just generally feel better about myself. I want to look fashionable and in style but feel like its pointless right now because I want to lose weight in the very near future so no need (or money) to buy clothes now. I have the certain safety pieces that I wish I could wear daily because they make me feel pretty and more "hip."
One of my big worries is when moving back to Portland and into a new job position, I won't feel secure enough or I will constantly be worrying about how I look and how others perceive me. It will be interesting to see if my habits can change once I move because I know I want to do more things and dress in a more "grown-up" manner than I do now. It's not like I dress horribly now but I feel like I am not put together quite enough or looking as cute as I want to and know I can.

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