Sunday, January 31, 2010

Anxiety Attack in the Making

When we are children, we fight sleepiness like no other. We throw hissy-fits, we hide, and we cry out loud until eventually succumbing to the dreaded sleep monster. I feel like one of those kids right now. Instead of fighting sleep I am fighting the anxiety that comes with starting a new job.

In my last position, there were days that I was "phoning it in." Days where I was giving the pleasant smile but had no energy or interest in giving more, which is sad. I loved my last job and I was spoiled with the great staff that I worked with. I literally fell in to that position though and had no time to be nervous or have a proper orientation. I get orientation all day tomorrow and am thrown right in to the mix on Tuesday. I do well with being thrown in, oddly enough. I can handle that.

I can't handle the lead up, the anticipation, the countdown OF starting something new. I am one weird person sometimes. I have a very fine line of when things work for me and where they don't. I don't do well with someone over my shoulder but I need to have someone that I can go to if something comes up. If I decide to do something, I need to do it quickly otherwise I talk myself out of it. I daydream A LOT but when I come back down to earth, that daydream seems light years away. I enjoy being independent but when the times comes that I need someone, I always feel bad because that means that I am inconveniencing someone else and I have also failed in some way. I really wonder where my issues comes from. I doubt they are hereditary considering no one in my family does very much more than expected (sometimes much less than expected, actually).

Fine balance, I tell yeah.

Poster Art for "Sunshine Cleaning."Poster art for "Management."
P.S. Watched "Sunshine Cleaning" and "Management" and both are pretty great movies featuring pretty lead actresses (Emily Blunt, Jen Aniston, Amy Adams) and Steve Zahn. He is lovely.
Oh, and Obama really liked the movie "Away We Go" which gives him extra points in my book. That movie makes me warm inside.
Steve Zahn at the 13th Annual Critics' Choice Awards.Poster art for "Away We Go."

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