Sunday, August 15, 2010

"Swirly Whirly Mess"

I actually Googled the above phrase hoping to find an appropriate picture and all it gave me was three pictures of Tyra Banks. That's pretty upsetting, right?

So, I have been in my apartment for two full days now. Yesterday I ventured out to get groceries, apartment necessities and to see "Eat, Pray, Love."

I definitely feel like I am in a foreign country or something.
Lots of new noises.
Figuring out what stores are good and how to get there.
Sales tax.
Major humidity and heat.
Lack of knowledge about the area.

Things are good just trying to get settled still. Having food in the fridge helps and tomorrow is a little trip to IKEA and Wal-Mart (don't judge) to see if I can get some other furniture. I feel like I am a bit of a squatter in someone else's nice apartment.

I have a lot going on in my head right now. My mom is worrying about me for various reasons and it makes me uncomfortable because I only have the capacity to deal with things one at a time. A bunch of things happened right before I left for my road trip and I pushed them back so that I could focus on, again, one thing at a time.

During my whole time of driving and moving eastward, I was never scared or missed home. I was in shock that I was actually driving; actually stepping outside of my comfort zone and driving away from everything that I had know for the past few years. I cried at the beauty of the country, at my independence, and my motivation to do better for myself. I have personal reasons why I am going to grad school and also why I decided to move this far away.

I find that I have amazed myself a bit. I wasn't as outgoing as I could have been or even as active as I hoped to be but each day that I woke up in a new city, I tried my best to experience the people, the culture, and take in this experience that I created for myself. I used to be scared to drive to Seattle. I would offer great amounts of Starbucks for Jenn to drive us up to see Amy even near Seattle. To think that is only 172 miles! I now consider 172 miles not too far from the end of the journey. When I had totals like 440 miles, I just knew I would be taking lots of pee breaks that day.

There was only one time that I got nervous (aside from my car throwing a overheated tantrum) and that was when I saw the sign for Ypsilanti. I couldn't believe that I was here. What the hell am I doing here? What am I going to do here? Why did I choose this place?

I figured out that it scares me to venture out here a little bit because I have to like this place. I am here for the next two years and I better see some good things. In the other cities I stopped, I didn't care that the people were rude or that it was suburban hell because I didn't have to live there. Here, if I see something bad or upsetting I have to deal with it. I choose to look on the positive side and enjoy the fact that I have my own apartment again with my own things.


  1. The first line of your post made me laugh. On a more serious note, you may be far from home, but everyone is rooting for you to succeed. You’ll find your way in your new home, but be patient with yourself. It takes time to get settled and comfortable. I can’t wait to hear more about your exciting new journey.

  2. I was laughing too!

    Thank you for the kind words. I definitely do need to remember to be patient. I immediately just want to know where everything is and how to get there and just feel comfortable but I guess that might take longer than I would like. :)