Monday, June 22, 2009


One of the constant struggles that everyone seems to be going through is the weight battle. Some people say "fat" some people say it's "being healthy" so whatever works for everyone is fine by me. Personally, I am just not happy with how I look in general. People that can be bigger and happy are just my heros. Actually, people that can feel comfortable with their bodies in any shapes that they may be in are pretty spectacular and secure people. I consider myself secure in the fact of my talents, personalities and overall skills as a human being. On the counter of that, I know I could look better.
For example, last week I had one class all day, all week. It was a really interesting class with only about 14 of us. I continually felt more secure each day and comfortable but every morning when I was getting dressed, it was the downfall of my day. I hate having to now be narrowed down to a limited amount of cute clothes that I have in my closet and that still fit me. I have gained probably 15 pounds in the last year, pushing me over to my dark side of being a size 16 solidly. Besides the fact of wanting to look better, I want to be in better health overall. I want to be able to run/walk for longer distances and to just generally feel better about myself. I want to look fashionable and in style but feel like its pointless right now because I want to lose weight in the very near future so no need (or money) to buy clothes now. I have the certain safety pieces that I wish I could wear daily because they make me feel pretty and more "hip."
One of my big worries is when moving back to Portland and into a new job position, I won't feel secure enough or I will constantly be worrying about how I look and how others perceive me. It will be interesting to see if my habits can change once I move because I know I want to do more things and dress in a more "grown-up" manner than I do now. It's not like I dress horribly now but I feel like I am not put together quite enough or looking as cute as I want to and know I can.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Quick update

I haven't felt the urge to update anyone on anything in my life because, well, I feel like I am just on autopilot at the moment. Quickly, a recap?

-walked in the commencement ceremony and will hopefully graduate at the end of Summer term.
-my grades for last term were pretty horrendous, I kid you not. Not like, "Oh, I got a B" but pretty bad. If I would have noticed things earlier in my college career, I probably could have gotten help for my testing issues that have sank me for the last two terms. I am happy to almost be done because my enthusiasm and motivation for learning is low.
-really needing to lose weight at this point and find it hard to not give the old excuse of "I am tired" or "I don't have time" cause really, I know that isn't true.
-I love planning parties and weddings. It is what I think about all the time with regards to different themes and ideas and foods and everything. If I wasn't in debt up to my grey hairs, I would probably try to do an internship at an event planning company.

Despite the fact that things are difficult in my little world right now, I am pushing through. I am trying to maintain a positive attitude while I sit through class all day, every day this week and when my schedule changes back to classes/work for the next two months. I keep motivated by looking towards the future, as always, and try not to get too overwhelmed by thinking TOO far into the future.