Friday, November 27, 2009

Honesty and Idealizing Situations

This is my second time doing the whole unemployed, living with mom and utterly "down" kind of phase. Happened in 2004 after completing Americorps and now, after completing my bachelors degree, I am in the same situation. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your perspective) I have a bit bigger dreams that are desperately needing to be made into reality. I am closing in on 30 here and while I don't feel that everyone needs to have accomplished certain things by a certain age, I do feel the internal clock ticking and the yearn to become someone I can be proud of.

One of the reasons that my last relationship would never have worked is because of the lack of enthusiasm for life. I want someone who is positive, inspires me to be amazing, and wants to create a life with me. That doesn't just mean family though, that means adventures, making up stupid traditions AND getting excited about them! My family now does the exact same thing for every holiday: eat at 1pm, awkwardly chat for a bit, watch a movie and some snooze on the couch, eat dessert, do dishes and everyone goes home. I want some real tradition and corniness.

"I'm looking for corny in my life." -Iris, "The Holiday"

Of course, it is ultimately all up to me. I have grand expectations for what I know is possible and have dreams of what could be. You know how someone watches movies and imagines themselves in New York City living the high life? I have opposite but, I am sure, equally romanticized thoughts about the Midwest. Those small towns with cute traditions (ok, this might be some Stars Hollow sneaking in), snow in the winter and being able to cozy up to the fire with a cup of hot chocolate and a big dog (or cat). The people are real, genuine, and lack the pessimism that is becoming more commonplace these days. The air is fresh and your closest Target or Old Navy is a good hour away. Things are simpler yet more rewarding.

In order for me to make dramatic changes in my life, I am one of those people that need a reason. My general unhappiness or misery really isn't enough to make a change. If I have a great job or someone special that requires that I make a dramatic change or encourages me to be a better person then that would make me work for it that much more. I think this is common for many people. I can think of friends that work so hard for a better life for their children and I wonder if they would do it for themselves if they were still single. Everyone seems to have such different motivators in life that it is good to recognize what you might need in order to be that person you have always dreamed of.

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